this is an old pic taken ages ago. i believe it was some sort of pre- or post- new year's eve.

it was just a few of our closest friends. we met at a supermarket and bought much of the food and booze that we shared that night. it was pure fun!

the highlight of our night was when we ran a test on which vodka flavor we like best. i think one flavor won...the one with the vodka in it. 

Throughout thirteen years of martial law, until I laid eyes on her again, I never thought that I would ever see the end of it. Least of all that my father would survive it. I am not much given to prayer or pious reflection but when I could set aside my anger, I prayed my father would see democracy again. 

Late one afternoon, in San Francisco, I got a call. It was from Cory Aquino, for whom I had written one speech after her husband’s assassination. She said she had accepted Marcos’s challenge in a Snap Presidential Election. I put down the phone, and packed my bags, and reported to her at the Cojuangco Building. 

I knew then she was the answer to my prayers. What I did not notice was that the closer we came to victory, which is to say the farther the prospect receded that the Marcos regime would survive, the less I felt the anger inside me. As each day passed, bringing me closer to the day I could get even, the less I felt the need for it as I spent more time with the woman who alone could make it possible. 

I did not notice, but I was no longer looking back in anger, or looking forward even, to victory and vindication. Only now do I see. I had lived with my anger so long, only for the day to come when it no longer mattered to me. The only thing that counted was that I was living every day to the fullest, bringing out the best in me—for someone else. A dream I hadn’t had since I was a boy, feeding on stories of chivalry, had been achieved. I was serving a woman who was every inch a sovereign, all the more for scorning the slightest pretension to the role. 

I did not realize it, even when I was already in the Palace, by the side of the President—among all her advisers, I like to think, the one who loved her most. 

It never again occurred to me that I had scores to settle. And not until today, that I had passed up every chance to get even. 

From the moment I came in from the airport and reported for duty, and she gave me in return the same smile she gave me on her deathbed, I never noticed… Not when I was with her in the campaign when she corrected me for not looking at the people I was waving at… Nor when I was with her in the presidential limousine looking intently, for her benefit, at the crowds at whom I waved… I never noticed anything. Except that I was with the only person that I would ever want to be with. 

I certainly never noticed that I had left my anger behind. I don’t know how it happened. Except that Cory Aquino ennobled everyone who came near her. I have tried to say it publicly but never could finish. If you saw me as I felt myself to be, anyone would fall in love with me. I saw myself in that hospital room, a knight at the bedside of his dying sovereign, on the eve of a new Crusade, oblivious to the weight of the armor on his shoulders for the weight of the grief in his heart. 

And because she always doubted my ability to be good for very long… Indeed, when my wife told Ballsy that I prayed the rosary at Lourdes for her mother’s recovery, Cory said, “Teddy Boy prayed the rosary? A miracle! I feel better already.” Because she doubted my capacity for self-reformation, she made it effortless for me by being herself. I did not notice that I was doing right by serving a woman who never did wrong. I am not sure how to take this moral self-discovery. It is so unlike myself. But if it will bring me before her again, I am happy.

********************

This speech was given as eulogy for the late President Corazon "Tita Cory" Aquino by Makati Representative and former speechwriter, Teddy Boy Locsin. As of presstime, thousands of people swarm the streets leading to Manila Memorial Park to join the Aquino family in bidding her farewell. 

a reality that exists only in the deepest and darkest part of us...

when we fight, we are at our worst...

and we break even long after it stopped really hurting...

and we break every night.

i've just finished watching Only You (1994). granted, it is quite cheesy with lines like "i was born to kiss you," but it's nevertheless one of the best date movies in time for valentine's.

Faith is set to be married in 9 days when she realized that she may have said yes to the wrong man. when she was little, she played the Ouija board with her brother and the name Damon Bradley came up as the name of the man she is destined to be with all her life. she chased after him from America to Italy. she met a guy named Peter who pulled a lot of stunts for her to figure out that he is the man that he is destined to be with.  

i had a college friend who was on her senior year when she heard about a dreamy guy with an awesome name and a briliant reputation. she gathered her guts and transferred from her college to his, not knowing if he's already committed or not. not knowing if he'll like her or not. she didn't end up with that guy but with her bestfriend who was by her side with every crazy idea she had.

seems to me, that we knowingly put metrics for love that's why we always end up getting disappointed. seems to me, that more than looking for all the might-have-beens and could-have-beens it might be best, and perhaps easier, to look at the ones closer to us and the ones who go at great lengths to make us happy.  

i would have to admit that i love Ally Mcbeal.

i understand that it is about this skinny little girl with adjustment problems.  i understand that she is the worst role model that any woman should ever have. and i understand that we should all move on in our lives without excuses. but somehow there is truth there.

don't we all hope that the love we had before we met the world to be the love we keep?

and long after we lost somebody, don't we all hope that that person to regret ever losing us? that they don't simply move on and have fabulous lives and wives?

don't we also feel safer alone than in love again? don't we feel safer not knowing if things will turn out okay since it always make us feel so sad stuck in today?

well, i've been there and it is not impossible that i still am and i just don't acknowledge it. but we could all use some advice and/or words of "wisdom" from Ally: 

"the more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to."

kate winslet won the golden globe, twice.  :)

i wouldn't really call myself a fan.

it's just that Britney Spears seems like this thing that was always right when i was in high school that somehow had gotten lost when i grew up. 

her "mistakes" and my apologies.

i was even reluctant to see womanizer.

i thought, why even bother. she, like many things in my adventurous and exciting past, belongs there and we need to all move on at some point.

boy, was i surprised!

it was smart and sexy (reminiscent of her video toxic) yet not without the "new" Britney character we should all give a chance to.

it seems like no matter how life treats us like a circus, we do all right eventually. 

one of the best sci-fi shows ever...

all in the family...

who's your daddy?!!